Today in Aubree’s World, we’re back to the usual chaos — except nothing Aubree does is ever really “usual.” It’s always personal, purposeful… even when it looks like total nonsense to anyone else.

Her toy selection today was very contractor-core:

• A paint stick (always a favorite)
• A toy spoon
• My wet rag covered in white paint
• Sanding blocks
• A brush I use to clean out wood crevices

Basically, if I need it to work, she wants it. Forget dolls — house tools are where it’s at.

But the biggest moment today?
Waking up to another shredded diaper.
No diaper. Pee and poop in the bed.
Aubree, wide awake, as if this was just how we start the morning now.

At first, it feels like pure frustration. I try so hard to prevent it — secure rompers, footies, layered clothing… and still, she finds a way. But lately, I’m starting to think there’s more to it.

She only started tearing apart her diapers after the back-and-forth between her dad and me began.

And I think — no, I feel — that this is her way of coping.
Her way of releasing anxiety.
Of having some control when her world suddenly feels like it’s always shifting under her feet.

She can’t say, “I’m stressed.”
She can’t say, “I don’t like the changes.”
So instead, she rips. Tears. Disassembles what’s close to her. Because she can.

It’s hard.
It’s messy.
But I see her trying to understand a situation she didn’t choose and can’t explain.
And in that, there’s so much strength — even in the frustration.

Both of the girls’ behaviors have changed. When they come back from their dads, they are usually tired, grumpy, and takes a few days for them to regulate again. It doesn’t help that he gets them the Tuesday and Thursday night right after I get them back on Sunday. He doesn’t see this side of them. He thinks that everything is just fine since they don’t show it at his house. I am hoping he will get to see this side of them when he has them next week.

So today, she played with paint tools and carried her favorite spoon.
She tried to steal my wet rag and probably would’ve painted the dog if I let her.
And she destroyed a diaper — not just out of boredom, but maybe out of something deeper.

We’re still learning each other.
Still navigating this new normal.
And even when I don’t have all the answers, I know this: she’s trying — and so am I.